To those around me I have been a bear.
Spring has been rough on me for some reason. I could opine all of the reasons why but ... quite frankly, they don't matter. The final nail in Spring's coffin was yesterday I received formal notice that I wasn't selected for an opportunity I had been working towards and hoping for. This is the fifth straight letter in as many years and I suppose that has been weighing on me. I keep asking myself how many times do I apply before I become 'that guy'.
There is a line from a Milton sonnet which says, "I fondly (read that as 'foolishly') ask/ but Patience, to prevent that murmer/" My "Patience" moment came this morning as my son, who has borne the brunt of my growly-bearness reminded me that he loved me as he got out of the car this morning. We say that to each other most mornings but that he wanted to say it me this morning reminded me that I'm a blessed man. Blessed with a wife who is not feeling well but still lets me rant. Sons and daughters who love me despite a shockingly long list of failings. I'm blessed I get to do what I love every day. I have friends who have comiserated at what really is a minor loss in the scheme of themes.
Patience also reared its ugly head in class today. I am writing bios for the students I'll be taking to DC next week. They've earned the right to perform on Ford's Theater's stage and I couldn't be prouder of them and my class as a whole. One of the student's selections is the Gettysburg Address. I've stood on that battlefield and I've stood in that cemetery and that reminder humbled me. The other student is reciting Lou Gehrig's Luckiest Man speech. I've experienced a minor professional setback, but still get to 'play ball'. I listened to both speeches again and I felt embarassed at how hard I am taking the disappointments of the last few weeks.
I kept thinking of a moment in West Wing between the president and his secretary. He's had a bad few weeks as well and Mrs. Landingham reminds him that he needs to get over it.
Thanks for the reminder Mrs. Landingham.